haven’t heard your voice in three days going insane grgrgrgrgrgrgr

i want it to be friday already. missing you too damn much and i can’t wait to see your face.

My family. My friends. The beach. Alcohol. Writing. Guitar. Performing. Cuddling. Helping people. New beginnings. Being tan. Feeling loved. Exercise. Eating healthy. Nailpolish. High heels. Chapstick. Learning. Avocados. Red mango. Tai show. Scarves. Reading. Music. His phone calls. Yoga. Candles. Coke zero. Massages. Kids. Pictures. Memories. The ocean. Feathers. Animals. Lean cuisines. Meeting people. Fashion. Being happy. Happy people. Dancing. Making progress. Seeing someone I love make progress. Giving advice. Summer nights. Hammocks. Diversity. Falling asleep with a smile. Making a difference. Giving back. Reminiscing. Answers. Creativity. Flowers. Driving. Jacuzzis. Unique people. Love.

The things with the most beautiful beginnings have the ugliest endings.

Junior year has been way too stressful for me. And when you’re already a person with severe anxiety, stressful is not good. I’m supposed to take this stupid SAT tomorrow and here I am crying because I don’t know what I’m doing with my life and if I don’t do well I won’t be able to live with myself. My mom has put so much pressure on me to be perfect my whole life, and now doesn’t understand why I have problems. I honestly feel like I just need a week to be somewhere, by myself, with no one to bother me or yell at me or put pressure on me. Because otherwise, I think I might explode. I’m gonna go for a walk and contemplate where I’m going in life, because clearly I’m not getting any sleep anytime soon.

It sucks to be confused,

and know what you wish you wanted,

but not know how to make yourself want it.